My Shakespearian remake for : The Raid 2 : Berendal 2014 (English)

•Sundance 2014• 

Director : Gareth Evans 

Cast : Iko Uwais 
          Yahyan Ruhian 
          Arifin Putra 


Script : G.Evans 

This review is dedicated to all my friends from all over the world, and especially for you, Hollywood, America. 
Before I start, just let me introduce myself. (into you) 
Just a little warning for all the kind of Jesus Christ's Beliebers, this is atheist and VERY shocking writing, and I don't wanna hurt your pure souls. So get the fuck off this page ! 
 As I'm writing at this very moment, in a crappy train between Huê and Danang (Vietnam you inbred Fuck!) 
I try to convince me, myself and I, that I can actually make a movie review in English. FYI, I’m  fucking French, (like you used to call us) and we do take showers, ev

eryday, just like every normal person. Let me also remind you America, that your very short and insignificant history began with us, my friends from England, Spain and Netherlands, among others. You're welcome btw! 
We also know where to put Germany on a map, peace Mister Bieber. 
You still have something (someone) to be proud of Canada, The Weeknd, and maple syrup ! 
Okay Homie, I know that you want my review as hard as you want me tickling your belly button from the inside. (M.Cera) 
So let's get Fucking started you DIRTY BASTARD! 
Peace Ol'. (Don't forget to "Bring da MOTHERFUCKING RUCKUS" to wherever you are now.)

Hollywood, O' Hollywood, I love you as much as I hate you. (just like the rest of America, need a map Bieber ?) You can bring the best and also the shittiest flick to the entire world. Let me give you a wise advice HollyBae. Don't waste your money on soulless remake..
(Old Boy-Spike Lee, Dinners for Schmucks-Jay Roach) 
Out there, in some places you don't know yet, (I swear to god I'll send you a map, a map where France is still part of the planet Earth, THANK YOU L.A Times) there's a lot of genius that CAN, HAVE and WILL bring the best of cinema without spending half of French's GDP. 
So, my love, let me take you there. You won't regret it !
If so, you're just a big slut ! 

Indonesia, (a place full of disease and poor people) with the help of G.Evans, brought you, 2 years ago, the greatest action movie lesson you could never have before. Anyways, you probably haven't seen it. Since you don't even know how to read A FUCKING SUBTITLE !!! We're now in 2014, G.Evans more ready than ever, serves the second course, and WHAT A FUCKING meal ! Not the one from Macdonald's (Fast and Furious 6) that you use to serve to your stupid audience HollyFuck! No, this, is more like French gastronomy (maybe more spicy).  
A really cheap meal actually, 40 times less than the budget you gave to the talentless Justin Lin, 160 million dollars, remember ? DESPICABLE ! 
Okay HollyBlood, America, I'm done with you guys, for now ! 

First of all, the photography is just a brilliant melting pot between D.Fincher (The Game, Fight Club USA) and Park Chan Wook (Sympathy for Mr Vengeance, Old Boy COR). Amazing shots, absolutely breathtaking, you won't even believe what G.Evans can do with a camera, like you won't believe what I just did to your mom! (go on, ask her ! If she's out from her orgasmic coma) 
Second of all, the script; disturbingly twisted at first, since the characters all look the same, (they're all Chinese to me, map? Psssst America, come here for a sec. Aren't you ashamed of yourselves? Selling everything you have left to them like the dirty prostitute that you are ? Like Forbes among a lot of other things. You're not number one anymore, get use to it, and shut the fuck up!) but once you get to know them everything goes crystal clear as your mom's cum. 
Finally, Da soundtrack, brilliant, as violent and efficient as me, in bed with.. 
your dad ! (go on, ask him! If he liked the way my tongue flipped.. CENSORED) There's so much tension man, you just wanna punch your table or your girlfriend (your choice) at every single scene. 

In brief, brutal, extremely violent, immersive, Masterful, brilliant. 
2 hours and 30 minutes of fisting for your hairy butthole. The action movie of the year, even the century. So don't think, (I know you don't) and buy two fucking tickets, even if you're alone (I know you are). 
Or just download it ! 
And please HollyFUCKINGChrist, don't try to rape it like you just did with all the remakes you could ever produce over a decade ! 

My grade is not made out of stars but from cones, (OUUUUUH MARIJUANA, K.Cudi) 

4 cones for that MASTERPIECE ! (Maximum)

<2 <2 <2 <2 

Peace, Kane.